Inspired

“That’s the thing about running: your greatest runs are rarely measured by racing success. They are moments in time when running allows you to see how wonderful your life is.”

~ Kara Goucher

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Thanksgiving Weekend, I did something different with my running. Instead of being the athlete digging deep trying to reach a goal, or beat a PR time, or even just a race distance I was the athletic supporter helping others dig deep. Helping others reach a goal. Helping others finish a race they weren’t entirely sure they could complete. My friends and family and the internet in general has heard me go on and on about Team in Training and how grateful I am to have them in my life. They’ve helped me reach goals that I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted when I started. Goals I truthfully said offhand with very little thought as to how I would accomplish them. They’ve helped me realize the world is bigger than me and the problems that I feel could end the world. They’ve helped me realize that there’s so much more I could do for others that I haven’t yet begun to help with. They’ve helped me realize I’m just a bit more stubborn than I let myself believe I am.

Because of that, I wanted to help give back and show others how awesome this opportunity is. I can talk and email and Facebook on and on about it, but it truly doesn’t show as well as I would like. So I volunteer my time. I mentored other runners with goal, I helped support practices by being there for Waterstop support on multiple occasions and I’ve donated time and money where I could. Thanksgiving weekend, I went out and supported the TEAM yet again. This time I purposefully walked most of the race to find our slowest Half Marathon participant and ensure they finish. We found her and let her set the pace all while reminding her that we were there for her. And I was inspired. Inspired by Dianne, the participant we found who we saw visibly dig deep within herself to find what she needed to keep going. Inspired by an elderly man waiting for his wife. (They were in the event together and he would run a bit then wait for her to catch up. He was a cancer survivor who didn’t understand why God did bad things to good people.) Inspired by the group of ladies who were walking because one of their group had injured herself and could only walk.  They brought cheers and chatter that I’m sure inspired the crowds around them if not at least a smile. These are all things that inspired me to keep going with this new season of fundraising. Inspired by how supportive our coaches were of all our people. Inspired by how well those coaches knew the participants they helped train all season. Inspired by the people around me. Inspired by the people who believe in me enough to make a donation to my fundraising efforts.

I’ve forgotten to be thankful

I’ve been struggling with my goals this season. Both in running and fundraising. I started the year saying I wanted to PR all my races this year and I would spend the time in road to make sure that it happened. (This means to beat all my current records) But once January waned like many resolutions, my resolve slowly melted away.

I can make lots of excuses as to why. The weather was wacky enough to keep it bone chilling cold. (and it’s hard to run outside in weather like that). No gym membership meant that I had no treadmill alternative to use. My normal cohorts, Michelle and Teri, both got busy with life and were difficult to schedule weekly runs with. and I just plain didn’t want to get out of bed to go to a 30-40-60 minute run a half hour away in the rain. wha wha wha. lots and lots of whining. But some pretty miraculous things happened lately that made me realize how thankful I should be.

First, Carol Toro called and asked me to do a mission moment for a team run. She said that she found me to be a great inspiration and she wanted me to share my TNT story. (So I told the story of Jimmy, a SURVIVOR of childhood AML) Second, a gal I know via Twitter and the general interwebs of Seattle, decided with her family to form a team and walk Relay for Life. She does this because her mother and cousin are both battling Cancer in their own way. A family of fighters and survivors to be sure. Third, another local Seattlelite tweeted/facebooked his wait from the OR waiting room while the love of his life lay on an Operating Room Table having Cancer removed from her breast. All these things are singularly breathtaking in their own right. You (or at least I) feel emotion when I read these words. They were all great reminders of how thankful I am to have the life I have.

So back up on the horse I got today. With diffuculty as my boyfriend Justin will tell you. He almost had to push me out the door. But out I went for 40 minutes on a day that would not normally be a run day. Alone as I haven’t done in quite a while. And I thought about these people and how lucky I am to have them, even peripherally, in my life. How I am thankful to have my friends and family share time with me day after week after month. How lucky I am to have my health. I think about how cancer tried to take loved ones away from one gal and how they told Cancer to EFF OFF! How wonderful it is to see their family bond as a unit. (Because not every family does or can). I thought about that guy and his wait and how happy he was to have it over. Most of all I thought about how important those 40 minutes were today and the 40 I have planned for tomorrow. For each of those minutes will help fight cancer through donations from my friends and family. And if you donate 10 cents or $10,0000 I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And let me not forget to say Thank You. Thank you to my family and friends for loving my crazy self for exactly who I am. For being exactly who you are & being right where I’ve always needed you in life. Thank You to my co-workers and customers for keeping me more humble than my family does and reminding me day after day to be thankful for the gift of life. Thank you to the regular readers to my not so regular blog for sticking around and listening to the ramblings of a slightly neurotic woman. Thank you to my twitter friends for just being you. I’ve learned so much from just listening in on your conversations. Thank you for just being you.

 

And on I run…

Top Pot 2010

With my plan this season being to run a FULL marathon rather than a smaller half in October Team in Training and to also do the Seattle Rock n Roll half marathon in June. (45 days away!) I’m buckling down on my training.  It helps that the weather is getting warmer and the sun is finally peeking through (I wore a tanktop last night!).  The truth, though, is that I need the discipline of other runners. Team in Training helps me with that. It tells me that this group is going to get together to run and I should join them and then go have beers. ;)

 

I worry though.  I just sent an email to one of my wonderful coaches about a pain I’m having in my leg. Friends tell me it might be shin splints and since I’ve never experienced this phenomenon I worry that it will slow down my training just as I’m buckling down.  I won’t lie – I haven’t run a full event. I do walk run intervals and with the few months I took off after my last event (there’s that discipline thing), I needed to almost start back over.  I’m currently walking 3 minutes and running 2. It makes ramping up easier and if it wasn’t for the pain in my legs I’d add another 30 seconds to that run portion this week.  Let’s see what coach says though.  Online searches tell me that I may need to alter my training and switch to things like treadmill or elliptical runs. If that happens I may need to join a gym again. Sigh. Seriously – go inside now that the sun is finally out?!? Boo!

 

This weekend though is jam packed so I guess it’s not a huge deal yet.  I’m finally moving the rest of my stuff into Justin’s house and I’ll be headed over to Chris Pirillo’s home for our first big fundraiser of the season.  Last year with the help of Chris and the Lockergnome community, we raised almost $1000 for blood cancers, hopefully we can meet or exceed that this time.  This year cancer is hitting closer though.  A great man that Michelle and I met through Chris passed away last week after a long exhausting battle with Colon Cancer.  Derek Miller, also known as @Penmachine, fought a long and hard battle and the amazing part is that he chose not to exclude it from his blog.  He was very frank about the disease and what it was doing to him and in the end wrote a goodbye letter as a final blog to be posted when he passed.

 

My heart hurts for his family. While they had time to prepare, I know from when my grandmother passed that you’re never truly ready. Maybe I’m just the over emotional type who cries at it all. At Derek’s passing even though I never truly got to know him.  At the passing of @TomMusic, at the Dear 16 Year Old Self Video, and even at the Facebook wall postings of cousins I barely know as they continue to mourn the passing of their mother – two months after she also succumbed to cancer.  There’s gotta be a cure out there and I won’t stop running until it’s found. Well… ok. I lied. I won’t stop wunning as Gerb says since I’m run/walking. ;)   Eventually I’ll get to a full run and even though I won’t qualify for Boston, Imma keep on going. Not even Kanye can stop me!

 

(Won’t you help me out by donating a few bucks?)

Hug Them A Little Closer

 

This past few weeks have been hard ones, but good at the same time. We started our season off and have a great team. I’m currently mentoring, which for those of you not involved with Team in Training basically means that I’m a “Fundraising Coach” for a group of gals on the team. It’s not always just gals, but I just happened to luck out? At any rate that’s been the good part. However at work and in other area’s it’s been a horrible few weeks.

Cancer has been hitting my world hard. As I mentioned in my last post, my aunt Darline passed away from Lung cancer. It hit so many of my family hard and I sat here thinking about how much life and laughter she had in her. How I wish I had gotten to know her better. A few weeks after she passed, my twitter stream filled with the news of @TOMMUSIC passing. More sad faces and tears. This was a man I was only loosely connected to, had never met, but had recently spoken at Ignite Seattle about his cancer. (Click on the link to hear him speak about his Lymphoma). Then local Seattle personality Kim Ricketts passed. In the middle of all this, I realize that I hadn’t seen Derek Miller tweet in quite a while. Derek was one of the few who inspired me to begin this journey. Michelle definitely talked me into the info session that began our journey, but I remember thinking about Derek and Drew when I was making my decision. Both men who have briefly touched my life, but their journey with Cancer struck a cord in me. Made me want to do more and with Team in Training I could finally do that.

Derek passed away two days ago and yesterday his family posted his final blog post. A goodbye letter of sorts to the community that had been such a large part of his life. I’ve spent less than 20 minutes total talking to Derek in the 2 years I’ve known of him. Make no mistake, I met Derek, but in typical Liana style I was too shy to talk to him. His photos were awesome and his love for his wife, evident in those pictures and the way he tweeted about her, was inspiring in my post-marriage pre-divorce world. It gave me hope and made me smile at a time that I didn’t have much to smile about. Derek’s post circulated the interwebz and the amount of traffic driven to his site via his twitter, facebook, podcasting families on top of his real family and friends (and what seemed like have of Canada) crashed the site. Quite a legacy if you ask me.

Add this to the lay-offs at work and I’ve had lots to sigh about. But as always Mission Moment last Saturday drove home the point of our mission. Megan Lanier, who works with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, read to us something from an honored TEAMmate. I braced myself for a letter detailing someone’s path with cancer but the last thing I expected was a mother’s comparison of what life of a normal 3 year old was like compared to one with Leukemia. “Welcome to Leukemia”.

All these cancer related deaths. It’s hard, but I’m sure it was harder on the families. I know my aunt left behind four boys and a husband who loved her deeply. Derek left behind a wife and two girls. Hug your family closer tonight as you remember the legacy they left behind. They are why we do what we do. Because Cancer has to have a cure. Somewhere out there.

Thanks to those of you who have donated already.

Life Goal item Accomplished

19 hours and a handful of minutes ago, I was breathing hard and trying to pull the last few reserves I had left to the top of the bucket as I crossed the finish line in my first half marathon. The cheers of the on lookers was awesome and to hear the fiancé of one of my best friends cheer me on in those final moments helped. It also didn’t hurt that they were announcing the imminent arrival of the first marathon finisher. I was in the chute and so so so very much wanted to walk and slow down. My feet hurt and were cramping and my shins were on fire yelling at me to quit. (not to mention those last 13 miles…) but I pushed because the finish was so close and I wanted to be able to say that I crossed before the first full marathoner. (who cares that he started a half hour after me…) ;)

As I crossed, I collected my first real medal from the wonderful Army guy at the finishline. I got a hug and flowers from the awesome Doug, fiancé to Michelle who took this awesome journey with me and then got hugs and congrats from Justin who came and waited almost an HOUR so he wouldn’t miss seeing me accomplish this awesome goal.

I always wondered why runners got those foil blankets when they were done running and yesterday I learned. After slowing down, my body temperture dropped crazy fast and I was ushered into warmer areas. I did after all, still need to check in with Team in Training to let them know I had finished. The warm recovery area was swarming with people and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think this was some kind of sports expo. Darigold was there with some awesome lactose free chocolate milk. Dole with tons and tons of snacks…. I’m sure there were others, but I was still in so much pain that I just wanted to get back to the Team in Training area and get off my feet. I hobbled and shivered and slowly got there.

Recovery was so much easier once I had changed out of sweaty things and I was ravenous for the delicious chowder provided to us by Duke’s Chowder House (best seafood!!!). I sat and ate and waited to see Michelle walk through the door. We had joked about me going back out to re-cross the finish line with her, but at 730 this morning, I truly had no concept of what this race would take out of me. (my hips and legs still hurt…) She was at Mile 11 when I crossed so I assumed she was only 20 or so minutes behind me. But I got worried when an hour later, one of our mentors said she hadn’t crossed yet!!! I struggled to get my shoes back on but just as I did, we got word that she’d finished and I sat back in relief. Michelle hadn’t quit and the limitations of her injury didn’t stop her!

It’s funny because with all the mileage I’ve put in the last few months, I didn’t realize and wasn’t prepare for wanting to quit so early and so often. At mile three point something-ish as we headed uphill along the I90 expressway. At just after Mile four when I watched the first few full marathoner pass us and make it look so effortless. The brutal hill and steady inclining grade in Madison Park before mile ten. (I only saw three people attempt to run up that brutal two blocks and I joked that they were all asian and us asians are such BAD over achievers) And just past mile eleven as we headed uphill towards Stewart and could see the Space Needle in the distance KNOWING that it was ONLY 1.5ish miles away. Never had a mile seemed so long….

But there were awesome experiences along the way as well. Joking with Michelle as we walked up the I90 ramp. I asked her if THIS is what they meant by playing in traffic? (now we can say BTDT when ppl thell us to go play in traffic.! ;) ) Approaching the water stop at Mile four and seeing my awesome Team In Training teammates cheer us in. Seeing a sign that I’d reached mile 18 even before I’d reached mile 5. The guy and his daughter who offered us our choice between Budlight and water in one of the residential areas. The fun and or encouraging signs from watching family members like the one near mile six that said “we could be SLEEPING!!” propped up in front the stroller of a sleeping baby. The army group waiting in Madrona Park area who lined a portion of our route with flags. (I wish I had a picture of that) and the many many strangers who cheered EVERYONE on but especially those that recognized the Team In Training jersey and cheered on our team. But the best part was seeing the Mentors and coaches along the way who would run or walk portions with us. So Many many times I wanted to quit and stop brought a coach in my view at just the right moment to push me just a bit further. I’m truly greatful for their presence.

Now I’m done. I ate, I showered and even took that dreaded ice bath. I babbled incoherently as I tried to talk on a variety of subjects and then crashed out in front the TV in the middle of an episode of Lie to me that I’ve tried to watch twice. 19 hours ago, I laughed hysterically at the idea of doing this again, but really? I might just be out there again on Sat with the team as they gather and practice for the next event.

Thanks to all of you for being there virtually for me. :)

Cancer doesn’t take a holiday

It’s 315 am and my body has decided yet again it’s time to get up. WTH. My nose is runny, there’s a slight pain in my left knee and this stupid cough won’t go away. Oh. And three hours ago Lisa posted on her wall that snow was sticking to the ground in her end of town. Wonderful. (yes i ran for a window) Yesterday, I went thru at least 2 panic attacks. I was running late, I FORGOT to pack my running shoes, I kept forgetting things and the day kept me constantly behind schedule and I don’t think I ate nearly enough. (barely anything unfortunately)

But the race will still happen. I’ll get up and run in thirty degree weather while all my loved ones are snug in bed sleeping or contemplating breakfast choices because it’s frankly warmer there than in front of the fridge. I’ll join Michelle who runs in memory of her Dad and Jean who runs for her nephew Dillon (a cancer survivor) and Steve whom I met last night who runs for a friend who can’t because he’s wheelchair bound. I’ll follow in the footsteps of Carmella who raised over ten grand in the name of cancer on her own and her friend Judy who are walking the full marathon and so many countless others. It’s because of my friends, family, co-workers, teammates and even perfect strangers that I’m constantly amazed and inspired to continue on. Because cancer doesn’t take a holiday. It fights back at us every step of the way and if we don’t fight back who will?

For Liz & Sweetie
My race day jersey is bright purple and the back reads that I run this in honor of Liz and Sweetie. Sweetie lost her battle and Liz is winning. I run for them because they never gave up. I run for you because you inspire me. But mostly? I run for myself because I won’t let life become a roadblock.

10 more things

This past fall, I took stock of my life and wrote “10 things right now” and it was a refreshing look at my life at that moment in time. It definitely made me appreciate all that I had. Over the last year, I’ve learned to take a moment every once in a while and do that. Give thanks. I’m a lucky gal and many times am too hard on myself. I think that we all need to take more time taking stock of what’s important to us. It will allow us to really appreciate what we have right in front of us. Here’s more reasons why I should stop being so stupid.

  1. I still love my dog. You’d laugh at that statement given his attitude in the past few weeks, but I really do. These past few weeks have been slightly different because I’ve introduced different things into my life and he’s not used to them. I’ve created boundaries for him and they upset him enough for him to retaliate by defecating in the Living Room. Frustrating as that is, I’m forced to make sure I don’t ignore him. (I’m not, but apparently HE thinks so…)
  2. Training for a Endurance Running event is hard. When I joined 24 Hour Fitness, I made a vague statement that I’d like to run a marathon by next summer. I’m well on the way in terms of training since joining Team in Training with Michelle and we went out last weekend for a 120 minute practice run. With the hills near Golden Gates Park, it made it one of the harder ones I’ve undertaken. But we completed it and reached the end tired, worn out and sweaty. I like sweat, it tells me I’ve accomplished something. (Or have the heater on too high.)
  3. My family lives too far. or too close. I like having my privacy and have never relished how overly involved and gossipy my family gets. For this reason, moving to King County a few years ago was a blessing. 30 minutes was too far for my family. The 1 hour trip to Redmond even further. But when I’m not feeling well and wishing for some comfort food cooked by mom, it feels like that 1 hour drive might as well be 5. Still, I’m luckier than others to live that close. Work and life has taken friends further away from their family than they’d like and their comments have made me appreciate my family all the more. Even when they frustrate me. My sister sent me a FB message earlier this week letting me know she cooked a pot of my favorite soup and froze them into portions all for me. Can’t wait to go down and retrieve that. :)
  4. GPS is still a godsend, but it tickles me to no end to know that there are so many more areas that I can drive to in Seattle without it and be able to estimate enough time for travel, traffic and parking without having to consult it. I’m all growned up now! :-)
  5. I still give thanks on a daily basis for the people that have graced my life. Because of twitter, meetup.com and other social media outlets, I’ve met some truly wonderful and smart people with revolutionar,  exciting ideas and thoughts. They are passionate for what they do and the world that revolves around them. They are friendly and outgoing and have no problem excepting you for who you are without judgment or reserve. I marvel because this is so different than the world I grew up in. I’ve had only a few instances of regret in terms of the people I’ve met, but I give constant thanks for the people in my life. Even more unique is how knowing some of these people has changed my life without them knowing it. For example, if I hadn’t begun following Chris Pirillo I would never have met Michelle. :)
  6. Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have. That’s a tweet I read today (H/t @Davidroads) that made me smile. I’m *still* good at worrying about things that I don’t have to. In overthinking things that don’t have to be overthought and interjecting drama into situations that don’t call for it. I’ve had some good friends lately give me virtual slaps across the back of my head for this recently and it’s been a fun experience to have realizations dawn upon me as to how I think/feel about certain things.
  7. Don’t get stuck in mediocrity. Recently, I got irritated at people and mentioned on twitter that people needed to get off their respective booties and stop being chickenshits. It’s become one of my new favorite words. Chickenshit. It’s one thing you should never be when it comes to important decisions. Being a chickenshit with things that are important to you can get you stuck in mediocrity instead of living the rockstar life you want and dream of. Don’t be a chickenshit.
  8. Many people saw it on the news, but I can’t express how happy I am that Margie Witt won her case and is able to go back to nursing. Life when she disappeared from the AE world was hard and conversation stilted, but it’s nice to see things were put to rights. Watching my google alerts blow up over the last few weeks has been exciting. She’s all over the place and I’m proud to have known such an amazing woman. Her struggle was NOT easy and definitely won’t be forgotten.
  9. Cancer sucks and affects too many people. Team in Training and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society have shown me that. It’s made me ashamed to have not been more aware of it despite it’s constant presence throughout my life. I’ve heard stories of teens and young adults who will never live to see their 30th birthday and on the other end of the spectrum I have heard stories of people celebrating 20 years in remission. It’s a long hard battle and one that won’t be done anytime soon sadly.
  10. I’m still over-tasking and over-commiting myself. But I’m more aware of it and I’m learning. It’s interesting to discover how much of a leader people think I am just for being straightforward about specific thoughts and opinions.
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