Tag Archives: Resolutions

I’m late to the Party

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I’ve done this the last couple years and in the last six months or so have been feeling like i had so much going on that I couldn’t keep up.  This left me so tired sometimes that I just rebelled and didn’t.  I didn’t go to work, I didn’t run, I didn’t do the dishes… well you get the picture.  Once my race was over, I continued to rebel and continued to not run.  as in I still haven’t run much since the race.  two five months later.

Strangely, I’m ok with that. Sorta. but I digress. I find that I’m more at peace with myself and everything going on. I find that I’m less stressed out by the many many many things outside of my control. Some of that is definitely because I’ve let go, but it’s equally important to note that I’ve had some terrific people in my life the past 2 years that have given me constant reminders that I’m not every woman and that it’s perfectly ok to think of myself first. To make what sounds like a greedy statement when it truly isn’t. To take a few moments and laugh and have fun.  That I don’t *have* to be there for everyone.

What seems like a lifetime ago, I started reading and writing blogs.  I loved that I could not only type out my thoughts, and dreams and frustrations and opinions (bc frankly writing them takes too long – the thought disappears before I can finish it!) but that I could also peer into the lives of people I knew and people I didn’t, but admired for one reason or another.  At the time, blog reading was a limitless infatuation for me.  I could be on the outside looking in like I always felt I was without the stigmata of actually being on the outside. lately I find myself full of thoughts though, without the time to jot the complete train down.  Thus I’m left with a email “draft” full of half written, half baked ideas that I later venture back to without a clue to what I was thinking. These two things left me in the state I’m in now – at Feb 15th finally writing the post meant to be published on the 1st of Jan.

A few years ago one of my favorite scrapbook inspirations, Ali Edwards, started posting a one word resolution for lack of a better term.  I liked the idea of picking one word and letting it rule your life.  on a side note, I like how every time I say/write that phrase “one word and letting it rule your life” I think of the hobbitses and their one ring.  It’s sorta funny to me. When I started, the word I chose was Hope.  Obama was just elected and I had so many hopes about what was going on in my life.  Little did I know that my world would come crashing down around me a few months later.  Last year, well into recovering and rediscovering who I was as a person, I chose the word BE for my one little word.  It gave me hope and helped me thrive.  This year, I was a little late talking about it, but the word I’ve chose is Joy.

So many changes have occured in my life over the past few years since I started incorporating One Word into my life. My husband left me and my world fell apart.  Life as I thought I knew it changed dramatically and I learned that keen lesson that many divorcees learn – who those people that truly count are. Maybe more importantly, I learned how to be self reliant and stand on my own two feet.  I won’t lie to you. It was a hard journey. New things coupled with a constant anxiety attack had me wishing I could narrow my scope significantly. But then I reminded myself that this is what got me where I was, so instead I expanded with trepidation. It’s probably no surprise to you that the world didn’t bite back at me as I expected it to.  In fact, it opened it’s arms wide open and welcomed me like the old friend I was. I met new people, experienced new things and expanded my horizons significantly.  Then like many divorcees, I learned to smile again  and then to laugh and then to love.

I chose Joy this year because this journey has been humbling when I reflect back.  I’ve met some seriously awesome people and discovered others that have existed on the peripherals of my sight that I never realized were there.  They have, one and all, taught me to find joy in the things I do and the things I encounter. More new things are on the immediate horizon and I’m breathless with excitement for them.  To say that I’m joyful is putting it mildly. I simply can.not.wait.

Life Goal item Accomplished

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19 hours and a handful of minutes ago, I was breathing hard and trying to pull the last few reserves I had left to the top of the bucket as I crossed the finish line in my first half marathon. The cheers of the on lookers was awesome and to hear the fiancé of one of my best friends cheer me on in those final moments helped. It also didn’t hurt that they were announcing the imminent arrival of the first marathon finisher. I was in the chute and so so so very much wanted to walk and slow down. My feet hurt and were cramping and my shins were on fire yelling at me to quit. (not to mention those last 13 miles…) but I pushed because the finish was so close and I wanted to be able to say that I crossed before the first full marathoner. (who cares that he started a half hour after me…) ;)

As I crossed, I collected my first real medal from the wonderful Army guy at the finishline. I got a hug and flowers from the awesome Doug, fiancé to Michelle who took this awesome journey with me and then got hugs and congrats from Justin who came and waited almost an HOUR so he wouldn’t miss seeing me accomplish this awesome goal.

I always wondered why runners got those foil blankets when they were done running and yesterday I learned. After slowing down, my body temperture dropped crazy fast and I was ushered into warmer areas. I did after all, still need to check in with Team in Training to let them know I had finished. The warm recovery area was swarming with people and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think this was some kind of sports expo. Darigold was there with some awesome lactose free chocolate milk. Dole with tons and tons of snacks…. I’m sure there were others, but I was still in so much pain that I just wanted to get back to the Team in Training area and get off my feet. I hobbled and shivered and slowly got there.

Recovery was so much easier once I had changed out of sweaty things and I was ravenous for the delicious chowder provided to us by Duke’s Chowder House (best seafood!!!). I sat and ate and waited to see Michelle walk through the door. We had joked about me going back out to re-cross the finish line with her, but at 730 this morning, I truly had no concept of what this race would take out of me. (my hips and legs still hurt…) She was at Mile 11 when I crossed so I assumed she was only 20 or so minutes behind me. But I got worried when an hour later, one of our mentors said she hadn’t crossed yet!!! I struggled to get my shoes back on but just as I did, we got word that she’d finished and I sat back in relief. Michelle hadn’t quit and the limitations of her injury didn’t stop her!

It’s funny because with all the mileage I’ve put in the last few months, I didn’t realize and wasn’t prepare for wanting to quit so early and so often. At mile three point something-ish as we headed uphill along the I90 expressway. At just after Mile four when I watched the first few full marathoner pass us and make it look so effortless. The brutal hill and steady inclining grade in Madison Park before mile ten. (I only saw three people attempt to run up that brutal two blocks and I joked that they were all asian and us asians are such BAD over achievers) And just past mile eleven as we headed uphill towards Stewart and could see the Space Needle in the distance KNOWING that it was ONLY 1.5ish miles away. Never had a mile seemed so long….

But there were awesome experiences along the way as well. Joking with Michelle as we walked up the I90 ramp. I asked her if THIS is what they meant by playing in traffic? (now we can say BTDT when ppl thell us to go play in traffic.! ;) ) Approaching the water stop at Mile four and seeing my awesome Team In Training teammates cheer us in. Seeing a sign that I’d reached mile 18 even before I’d reached mile 5. The guy and his daughter who offered us our choice between Budlight and water in one of the residential areas. The fun and or encouraging signs from watching family members like the one near mile six that said “we could be SLEEPING!!” propped up in front the stroller of a sleeping baby. The army group waiting in Madrona Park area who lined a portion of our route with flags. (I wish I had a picture of that) and the many many strangers who cheered EVERYONE on but especially those that recognized the Team In Training jersey and cheered on our team. But the best part was seeing the Mentors and coaches along the way who would run or walk portions with us. So Many many times I wanted to quit and stop brought a coach in my view at just the right moment to push me just a bit further. I’m truly greatful for their presence.

Now I’m done. I ate, I showered and even took that dreaded ice bath. I babbled incoherently as I tried to talk on a variety of subjects and then crashed out in front the TV in the middle of an episode of Lie to me that I’ve tried to watch twice. 19 hours ago, I laughed hysterically at the idea of doing this again, but really? I might just be out there again on Sat with the team as they gather and practice for the next event.

Thanks to all of you for being there virtually for me. :)

Step by step

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oh baby!…. wait… wrong pace… wrong subject even!  Last year I was determined to lose weight. To get to a happier weight.  A weight that wouldn’t have me wheezing when I ran up the eight steps up to my apartment. I loved the adrenaline rush that I got when I exercised already, all I needed to do is get into a constant rhythm. To make it a habit instead of something I remembered to do maybe a few times a month.  Then life took a few detours and in the process I learned that I really do like to exercise!  Like a drug, the adrenaline rush I got from running needed more activity and further distances to maintain the levels I enjoyed.

For quite a while, I’ve been on a search for a running club.  Someone I knew and admired fitness wise was part of one and I felt it would be a good lesson for me.  I’d gain camaraderie  as well as learn new things about running and myself. I was looking for a group that welcomed people who hadn’t run since they were in grade school and so many clubs were intimidating.  They said “noobs welcome” but ran at 5 or 6 am. On a weekday even. Event after all these months, I still think those people are freaks.  But nevertheless, I kept looking and eventually  I joined Seattle Fit.  A network of run groups throughout the US.  A neat thing for people that run a lot and travel because like any other type of group they become a family. One of the neat things I like is that each session began with a seminar about not just running but fitness period.  One week it was about Yoga, and then there were weeks about gear for running, safety, heart rate monitors and more. Their sister group, Portland Fit, even started recording their seminars.  There are 68 videos in total right now and some are as old three years ago, but still as applicable.  Start with the orientation and then pick and choose from their.  My favorite part?  They remind us noobs that there is no way that we’re going to win the upcoming marathon so to stop worrying about that right now. ;)

This past Saturday I went on my first hike of 2010.  I took two young cousins and an aunt on the adventure and we tackled the path to Middle Falls at Wallace Falls in Gold Bar, WA.  BEAUTIFUL COUNTY! My eighteen year old cousin laughed at all the nature photos I took, but I loved that he had tireless energy up this 1000+ foot elevation hike. Oh the joys of being young! We plan on making this a monthly adventure so it will be exciting to see what February’s weather will bring us to challenge us on the hike!  I wanted to bring my mother along, but her comment was more along the pessimistic lines of I have no experience hiking and what about the cold and snow? Don’t let people like this get to you or discourage you.  The reality is that they are very realistic about their limits.  They know they can’t do it and don’t move past it.  I say this as I type because I have to get up every few minutes to roll my aching shoulders and move the cramps in my bootie. My shoulders you ask?  I’m glad you asked. Even a 40oz camelbak I wore after a few hours can cause your body to ache if it’s not used to the weight. Limitations not only didn’t stop us, but kept us fueled!  Next month we ease back a little though and take on Twin Falls for some of our less… active friends.  I wonder though if I should have just started there?

A life well lived.

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As we round out the last few hours of 2009, can you reflect on your life thus far and say that you’re satisfied with the journey you’ve taken?  I’d like to say that I am. That the numerous bumps and bruises I’ve acquired on the path were worth it.  I can’t say that I thought so when I acquired them, but today? Right now?  This moment I say they were.  The last few years have been arduous to say the least.  A new job, a new path, moving away from the immediate vicinity of everyone and everything I knew.  The abuse and subsequent death of my nephew and the effect it took on the dynamics within my family circle.  The shock of my husband leaving me and learning to stand on my own two feet.  THAT’S not even dealing with what’s happened in the world OUTSIDE that affected everyone ELSE!  The election of our first Black president, H1N1, the collapse of our economic system and nationwide job losses.  Companies that have been around close to a century folding and leaving us wondering where to go from here.  Some believe these WORLDWIDE changes were catalysts for the changes we all experienced in our personal lives.  Eight months ago I would have disagreed as everything for me seemed to be headed in the opposite direction, but today I might agree. I honestly would have to give it more thought.

My journey is not at an end though.  Two years ago, I made a resolution to manage our finances to the point that we would be out of debt.  At the beginning of last year I forcasted that happening before tax returns came back and with the success of a single resolution rather than multiples, I again made a single.  I resolved to lose weight. While many people think I don’t look fat, the scales don’t lie.  BMI reads don’t lie.  They all told me that I wasn’t just overweight, I was considered Obese. With a history of heart problems and late onset diabetes in my family health history, I resolved to lose the weight. I wanted to be were I was when I was “last happy”.  In my head, despite not knowing of the impending doom of my marriage, I knew in my heart my weight was one of the issues. I wanted to get back to the 130-145 range I was when I got married and set goals to do so.  Ironically none of the planning and goals I set to do so led me down the path I wanted.  When my husband left me, I went on the “I don’t want to eat” diet.  Not healthy, but I ate as much as I could handle which was less than I knew I needed. As my appetite started to recover, I had oral surgery and went on the “I can’t eat” diet.  Soft food diets SUXORS! but at the end of it, I had lost twenty pounds. At the same time though, I discovered a love for running. I’ve always been one to WANT to be more active, but frankly I was an underachiever growing up. It probably didn’t help that my sister had a natural talent for sports making my efforts look laughable. (and laugh they did).  So now I run.  I took advantage of a run club this summer and enjoyed the benefit of their knowledge. Then it got cold and I got lazy. So I joined 24hr fitness. I’m loving it.  I’ve only gone 6 times in my first month, but I’m DETERMINED to double that in the next month.

2010 is on the horizon and I contemplate resolutions.  The hard part is the joke that resolutions are made to be broken.  Yesterday I was asked what are my intentions for 2010.  That sounded so much better.  We all intend to do things, but the problem with intentions is that we tend to allow life to get in the way of intentions.  I intend to do many things. But the truth is that I’m really good at excuses. I’m really good at chickening out of things. I let fear get in the way WAAAAY too often. Counter Burger even tweeted out today asking people to sum up their resolutions in two words.  Ironic in the 140 character word to ask be to be even more succient.  But they were.  People responded in so many different ways.  More Jazz. Eat Well. Be Grateful. Schedule fun! Inspire others.  Inspire others is always a popular theme. It’s one I like.

#twowordresolutions go hand in hand with Ali Edwards and her One word theme.  Last year I chose HOPE.  I wanted to look at positive things and know that the horrors I’d seen in 2008 could be… improved upon?  Not the right term, but I’m sure you know what I mean.  That under all the filth and grime and hatred, that we as a people still had hope.  Never in a million years did I imagine that HOPE would take the turns in my life that it did.  This year?  I’m resolved.  In 2010 my word is. BE.  Be happy.  Be myself. Be ok with the changes in my life.  Be warned though. ;)   I intend to re-embark on Project 52 this year. To grab my camera and BE inspired by a new outlook a week.  One new picture a week.  I like the ones I took when I started Project 365 last year.  As much as I’d like to retry that, I’m realistic enough to believe that I’ll probably flake out before the end of march.  After all, THAT’S A LOT OF PHOTOS!

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