I didn’t write a “where I was” post for 9/11 this year. I didn’t write one last year. On that note, I also was not alive when Kennedy was shot or when the Atom bomb was dropped on Hiroshima so I have no good point of reference for those events. I remember where I was, where I was going and the events from that day. I understand, in theory, why we use this point of reference for momentous events like this. But my mind doesn’t work like many people. I don’t connect where I was and what I did with the emotions I felt at that time and how this humongous event affected my life. I read with slight irritation every year for at least the last five when people post where they were.
I don’t fault them the emotions they feel though. The sadness and remembered anguish from loved ones lost, the relived relief at hearing of bare misses because of the quirks in time and scheduling that allowed friends and family to not be in places that they would have normally been, the imagined fear of what could have been had our way of life changed more than it has or has their loved ones been lost in those instances by putting themselves in another’s shoes. I’ve been unfortunate enough to be faced with tragedy and seen what it can do to seemingly strong people. It’s not a pretty sight, so I don’t begrudge them that opportunity. However a quote came across my Facebook stream this weekend that best summed up how I felt:
Do not ask me where I was on 9/11 for that is not of importance to me. Ask instead if I have made the world a better place in the days since. Ask if there were tears for those I never met and prayers for families I do not know. Ask if I had faith in spite of the fear. Ask if I support the heroes, the warriors, the survivors and the ones still in the fight. Do not ask the “Where”. Ask instead “Who” I have become.
If you’ve been reading my blog with any regularity during the last year, you’ll see that I feel strongly for many people I’ve never had the privilege of meeting. (and regularity is obviously a relative term given how often I’m able to squeeze time in to write) These people are near and far and most of them have been Cancer patients or their relatives helping loved ones battle their way through the horrible disease. I honor their lives through running because the rigors of training for a endurance events like marathons and half-marathons are nothing compared to what they see in their day to day life. But I digress.
What have I done to make the world a better place? I could answer simply by putting the old adage of do good unto others into action on a day to day basis, but that’s definitely too simple for the actions necessary. Instead, I will say that I’ve made my life richer, not only by doing more, but by being open to more. By taking chances that ten years ago (heck, two years ago!) I would have been to afraid to make. By making a point to take time for those around me and by learning that the action or non-actions of others do not always reflect on the person I am. By cutting the histrionics from my life and dis-allowing the negativity of others to affect me. And by taking the time to smell the flowers and enjoy life. To write more, to play more, to love more. Because time is short and you never know when and where your next adventure will come from. As Albert Camus once said, “Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.”
There was once a time that fear ruled my every action. While it didn’t make me a shut-in, it still controlled a large part of my life. I was afraid of what people thought of me, what would happen if I took certain actions or made certain comments. I was afraid my husband was pissed at me. Again. (no he wasn’t violent). I was afraid of talking back to my parents (as an adult) and I was afraid of the scorn of people I hung out with on a frequent basis. Being surrounded by abusers of alcohol and drugs, I was afraid of overindulging for fear of loss of control taking even things prescribed to me. I had very good examples of how I didn’t want to be and how I didn’t want to act. Certainly, I wanted to be able to live in the moment and enjoy myself, but at the cost of my own personal safety? Perhaps I was overly cautious.
Have you ever looked at the shape of the number 8? It twists and curves back into itself so that it is a never ending loop. Turn it on its’ side and it’s no longer called an “eight”, but the symbol for infinity…time everlasting. The chinese even find the number eight auspicious because the chinese pronunciation is so close to the word for wealth. I look at my life lately and find myself wealthy. Not necessarily in terms of finances, although that would be nice. 
Instead I find myself wealthy in terms of relationships. I’ve had the privilege of interacting, both online and off, with some very awesome people. People with revolutionary ideas, with extraordinary lives. People with a passion for doing, acting and just plain being. Like me, many of these people think they lead ordinary boring lives, but it’s the small things that make a difference. They are great examples that a few simple words can make a big difference in the life of another.
Tonight I met a great example of that. I stopped by a different 24hr fitness than I normally do. I use the term “normally” loosely because I’ve only been a member about a month and a half. I’ve had such a crappy day due to sinus pressure that I couldn’t relieve no matter how much medication (both prescription and OTC) I took. It colored everything I did with a sour note. From making me pull over to rest during my commute to work, to having to call customers back for information that the program that we use to record customer information “ate”. I was determined, though, to stop at the gym on the way home. The equipment at the gym makes no judgements as to the type of exercise you do, the speed you do it at or for how long you do it and I sooo needed a run.
October was a long and fruitful month full of experiences and people, both old and new. From the first day to the last so many different things happened that I had difficulty to put the emotions to words. They passed through me so fast that I could scarcely keep up with them! But on the last day, I restarted a resolution. I had spend almost two months avoiding my run club for one reason or another. I was sick, too tired, too scared of the distance or any number of other excuses.
