Week 16/25 is here and from here on out, my runs will all be approximately 3+ hours until we enter taper. I should feel lucky that Summer has been kind to us here in Seattle. Fellow runners throughout the nation have been experiencing 90+ degree weather all summer. They’re forced to run super early, super late or get on the dreaded Treadmill to get their bodies acclimated to the pounding they’ll experience in less than three months. I’m learning to experiment with new meal plans, eating/hydration habits and different gear options. More so than last season with TEAM, I’m discovering what things I like and do not like. I’ve discovered the wonder of regular ice baths that only athletes seem to understand and marveled at the technology behind compression gear that keeps blood flowing through the various parts of our body. I’ve learned about more about cancer than I really care to know and tear up in anguish when I hear yet another person has been diagnosed with these awful diseases. I’ve listened to Mission Moment stories where people have lost many, many loved ones to cancer. However, I hear just as many stories of survivors. Honored TEAMmates who would not be here today if it wasn’t for the assistance of TEAMmembers past and present who have tortured their bodies for endurance runs, hikes, Tri-athalons and more just so more patients can be helped and possibly saved. Like the 3 FOR 3 cancer study that was recently in the news. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society helped fund that and I cry with JOY to know that we helped out. To know that maybe one day cures like this one will be as common as the cure for smallpox which was once considered incurable and a death sentence.

Most importantly, I’m learning of the kindness of others who believe in this mission as much as I do. Who spend season after season volunteering their time and energy as a Coach or Mentor or just as a fundraising participant raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society all over our nation. To know that I can do my small, small part and help out by running and raising money while cancer patients can only do so much as raise their head. That experienced those feelings that only those with cancer can understand after hearing those three little words. ”You Have Cancer.” Last night I realized I was about three weeks past a similar point myself. It never ceases to amaze me how fast time can fly….

It was 3 weeks ago that, while lying in bed, I discovered a lump in my breast. It was a lazy Sunday morning, which is pretty common in my life now. I struggle against them, but mostly because 2-3+ hour long runs have necessitated making Saturday the lazy sleepy, nap in bed day and Sunday the finish all your weekend errands day. At any rate, it was Sunday. Lazy and with a beautiful afterglow. I was contemplating how beautiful life was. It was a sunshiny day, I was finally divorced and happily in love. What more could you ask for? That’s about the time I felt it. A lump. In my breast. As with any scare, I took a moment to pause while crazy thoughts raced in my head. Was that what I thought it was? Why is it so BIG? Am I imagining it? What about my other breast, does it feel similar? What if I stood up, would that make a difference? Justin noticed. He teasingly asked me if I was doing a self exam and tried to help. I told him quietly though that I thought I had found a lump. All jokes stopped and he reached over and felt the same thing I did.

We all know that the next stage is to obviously not panic and make an appointment with your Dr. But that doesn’t stop the thoughts that race through your head. The obvious WHY ME?!? flew through a few times as well as the thought that there was no history of Breast Cancer in my family. Other thoughts that felt weird included Why is all cancer in the breast referred to as Breast Cancer, but if it happens elsewhere it has exact names like Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) or Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). Do you know how many types of cancer there are? TONS. I’m geeky, I went straight to Bing and looked. Thankfully, I didn’t placate my anxieties and become all hypocondriatic(is that even a word?) by clicking on each and every cancer name and read up on them. It took me most of the next week to finally call the Nurses line who told me to make an appointment immediately, which I did. My dr fit me in the next morning. After some routine questions that did nothing to calm my nerves, he told me that given my history it was most likely not cancer but gave me a referral to the Diagnostic office in Seattle where they do Mammograms. They too were kind enough to squeeze me in and after more questions and more boob squeezing, they came to the same conclusion. (By the way, why do doctors congratulate you on your first Mammogram?) However, they wanted me to come in the following week so they can pull some of this lumpy tissue and confirm. From both breasts. Does that freak you out? I certainly was. I only came in about one, but apparently the Mammogram revealed smaller lumps in my other boob. SCARY. I went in the following week without telling many people what was going on. For some reason, despite all my various nonsensical updates to the Social stream, this is one I held close. In fact, it wasn’t until the day before that I realized I should probably call home and tell my mom. Just in case. Justin, of course, knew and in typical Liana fashion, I told him my beliefs about life support and surgeries. A biopsy is a minor one in the grand scheme of things, but a surgery none the less and I didn’t want to go in without someone other than my mom knowing my stance on life support systems.

Now here I am, three weeks after discovering said lump. Two weeks post Biopsy and I’m happy to say that those lumps weren’t cancerous. One of those things they don’t tell you when they remind you to do your monthly checks is that sometimes the lumps you find are just fatty tissue build up. My lumps are called Fibroadenma and I’m relieved to say I don’t have cancer. That won’t stop me from running though.  If anything, it reinforces the need in me to run more. To help find more cures so that no one has to have a scare like that and worry about possible death sentences. To worry about losing loved ones or even leaving them behind.  You can do your part too.  You don’t have to run if you don’t want to, although the next season is just getting started.  A small donation will help me get to my goal which is a mere $1000 dollars away. Make a small donation and maybe if your company does matching donations, they can kick in a little extra.  

What can your donation do?:

• $1000 supports one week’s salary for a medical researcher at UCSF, Stanford, or Berkeley who may discover key information to developing curative treatments for blood cancers.
• $500 provides a blood cancer patient with financial assistance for one year.
• $500 allows 10 patients to log on to a webcast and hear the latest information in treatment for their disease.
• $200 provides a Family Support Group Program for one year for a patient and their family.
• $150 allows 5 patients to make a First Connection with a trained peer volunteer.
• $100 provides 3 patients access to an information teleconference.
• $75 is the average cost of tissue typing to become a bone marrow donor.
• $50 is the cost of a CT scan
• $40 is the cost of sending a comprehensive packet of information for children with cancer.
• $35 pays for transportation expenses for a patient living in Northern California’s most rural areas to treatment at a comprehensive cancer center.
• $25 covers a single prescription co-payment.
• $5 is the cost of sending a newly diagnosed patient information about support and their disease.

   I began this battle just over two years ago as a way to fight the depression that was mentally restricting me from doing so many many things in my life. They felt like chains constricting me and holding me tight. Running was my way of escaping from them and the endorphins I got from running enabled me to move through life with a semblance of competency even though all I wanted to do was curl up and stare at the wall all day. Eventually I got better and those moments were few and far between. Last year, I got involved with Team in Training with a good friend and my battle started anew. I wasn’t just running to escape my own demons any longer. I was running because others could not. To raise money for cancer patients and cancer research and to make a difference in the lives of those around me. Cancer’s been on the peripherals of my life almost since high school. The firstborn of a family friend was diagnosed with AML, Acute Myeloid Leukemia before he could even finish elementary school. The information provided to his family by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society became almost like a bible to them for those dark days. Jimmy was lucky though. He’s 5 years out of Chemo and even though he’ll always continue to go in for checkups, he’s considered CURED and is happily married and living life like any other person. But not everyone is so lucky. My grandmother, my aunt Darline and Sweetie (another family friend) all fought their battles against various forms of cancer and lost. People like Derek Miller, @Tommusic and so many many others lost their battle. People like My Tam are beginning their battles and starting on that painful journey of therapy. I run for all of them. To remember those we’ve lost, to celebrate the battles won and because there are those still in treatment who can not even run to the toilet, much less 13.1 miles. A cancer survivor and fellow teammate I recently met put it most eloquently…. I run until there’s a cure.

This week has been a hard mental battle of chaos for me. Even though it’s my 2nd half marathon, this is the first one that I’ve had to manage all the details on my own. Even though I’ve had the support of my Team, there’s no one to tell me to be someplace by a certain time, or guide me to the starting corral. I’ve pulled back from many activities as I manage my idiosyncrasies that cause me to panic about every little minute detail involved. Will I have enough GU to get me to the finish line? Will my Plantar Faciitis act up mid race? Do I drive down to the start line or take the shuttle from downtown? What time do I need to wake up? What’s the best foods to get me fueled enough this week so mid-run I don’t feel like hurling? Will my socks chafe against my foot? Crazy yeah? I’m better now. I stopped and took a few hours yesterday to focus on simple non-sensical tasks like unpacking and then went to have dinner with some Teammates. But tomorrow will still be Chaos. I’ll miss tonight’s Summerfest concert so I can be in bed early for a 430am Wakeup. But I’ll love every moment. I’m remembering last November as I ran my 1st event. The family members of others cheering us all on. Perfect strangers cheering my name as they read it off my Team in Training Jersey, the Soliders lined up with a Flag Salute in Madrona Park, and most especially crossing the finish line. 

Will I see you there?

Tomorrow’s race is for My Tam. I’ve yet to meet her, but we’re both friends with Liz. My Tam has a great support system of friends who are helping her with my battle. We should all be so lucky.

Meet my friend Jess.  I’ve been friends with her practically since I got out of high school.  In fact, I’m pretty sure SHE was still in High School when we met.  We were both employed by a lovely company called Suncoast in Tacoma selling movies and movie related schtuff retail to the general masses.  She’s smart, inventive and vivacious.  Sadly we don’t spend as much time together as we used to, but tend to pop in and out of each others lives occasionally.  Ships in the night and all. (This picture is from back then. She’s even more awesome now.)

I want you to meet her because she’s the one who pushed me over the top of my last goal of $1800!  I was $35 short of it and posted a tweet and FB notice to my followers and friends letting them know they didn’t have to RUSH to be that one person.   Jess was awesome enough to donate ON HER BIRTHDAY to help support this important cause and one upped it by donating MORE than I needed to meet that goal.  So Mahalo Jess and LOVE YOU!!!  But it’s not just her.  It’s thanks to all you wonderful people in the Lockergnome community, to Chris Brogan, to my family who are admiring each step I take and to the awesome people in our local Social Media community that I’ve been blessed to be able to meet such as Matt Wakefield and Leann Underwood. To people from my work like John Clausen and Jeff Merten who make sure to check on how my training is progressing.  To people who are like family to me like Justin Yorke, Ray Minchew and Liz Roland who have pretty much been there since the beginning of my running journey with encouragements and cheers (From bed since they believe that 6am is too damn early to get up and run) and most importantly to Michelle Gamboa for encouraging me to undertake this adventure with her.  My end goal is always to run a full marathon and in less than four weeks, I’ll be half way there.  I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support and generosity.

Two weeks ago, we ran my favorite path.  I use that term loosely as really, it’s been my favorite only because it’s a few blocks from where I live in Redmond.  We met at Marymoor in the dark of the night err morning.  Winter is fast approaching here and no longer am I leaving the house with the sun to go run. Instead, I meet the rising sun half way through and enjoy watching it wake up the world around me.  It’s neat.  Next week, we’ll be back at the Redhook Brewery and I’ll be able to hear the Salmon jumping in the stream next to me. (Hear that dad?!?) I have this love/hate relationship with nature.  I love the smell of dew on the grass and the sight of it on the tips of plants and spiderwebs as the sun crawls its’ way up the sky.  But honestly? It’s freaking freezing sometimes! When we ran at Marymoor, it was freezing and i realized I’ll need to invest in winter run gear. Longer compression pants to keep my legs warm, gloves to keep my fingers from freezing and a coat to keep the illusion of dryness for when it rains. Which it did. in buckets.

We ran that week as part of Coop’s Clan, a group in Arizona. Cooper is a young 13 year old boy who, that weekend, took his last dose of chemo. Three pills of Mercaptopurine were washed down in one big gulp! Hooray and cheers from the crowd followed! Cooper is one of those amazing stories we hope to hear about on this journey.  Three years spent fighting a daily battle against Leukemia.  He went from an active boy like any you would see on the streets to a child who refused to be crippled by this disease.  The Caring Bridge site built and maintained by his family has been heartwrenching to read.  It’s definitely not been an easy journey on any of them, but because of the support of family, friends and the community around him, he overcame it and had his port removed last week.  Would that all cancer stories could end like this, but they don’t.  Your donation helps though.  Take a few moments and make one.

I sit here this morning with a warm cup of tea contemplating on what to write here as I end this week out. A lot of random thoughts are flowing through my head as they do anytime I sit and write. This post was meant for my training blog and is meant to be poignant and purposeful. To explain the journey I’ve taken from jogger to runner to half-marathoner supporting one of the most important causes I know of. I’m not saying it’s the best, or that you necessarily HAVE to support it. (Although, I’d love it if you popped in a dollar amount on my fundraising site linked on the right) All I’m saying that this is a path I’ve undertaken on a road that currently seems to never end.

Cancer changes people. This past week was what I have always called “birthday week” for obvious reasons. I turned 34 years old this year and as always, I started the day with a fun call from my mother reminding me of how old I’m making her feel. (Nevermind how old *I* am starting to feel). However, as much as I wanted to reflect on the past 34 years or even the last year or so of my life and how many changes I’ve made, the most I could think about was a gal I’d never met.

I heard a story the previous week of a gal with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma who was given four months to live. Four months. Can you imagine hearing that story and the impact it would make on your life? What choices would you make? Lately, I’ve heard too many stories like hers, yet for some reason I continue to try and hold out hope that what I’m doing will make a difference and save someone like her from making those four months a “death sentence”. She’s not even 30 and I’m sure has sooo much more she’d like to do in life. I dwelled on these thoughts as my birthday approached. I had nothing special planned, but it definitely gave me a different perspective on my mortality and what rights I had to complain about things. But then Sat arrived again as it tends to do and I met with my team at Matthew’s Beach in Seattle for our weekly long run.

We started our training that day, as we always do, with Mission Moment. Still dwelling on thoughts of this nameless gal, I listened as teammate Jean told us about her grandson. Her grandson was diagnosed as an infant with cancer and she was training in his memory. She told us that if it wasn’t for volunteers like us, Dillon wouldn’t be the happy four year old that he is today. This is because his care, although routine for his form of cancer, was deemed “experimental” and un-coverable. It was completely because of the support of volunteers like us who helped raise money a dollar at a time that Dillon was able to get the $300k+ in care that he needed. It was, for me, a well timed reminder that we are making a difference. I’m currently less than $350 away from my next goal of $1800. Can you guys dig a little deeper and make that difference? Remember that if your company has a matching gift program, that small donation could potentially be doubled. See my post from a few days ago for a link that will help you check.